Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
