please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
