You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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