Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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