and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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