We should be called the Road Head Warriors
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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