mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
