I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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