walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
