why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
