This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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