my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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