im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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