Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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