If i come over, it means nothing
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
