Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
