quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
