i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
