I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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