A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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