I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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