Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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