im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
