I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
