i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
