Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
