my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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