Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
