if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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