No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
