Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
