where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
