Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
