Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I want to have your abortion
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
