Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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