Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
