i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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