The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
