I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
