sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
