I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
