Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
