Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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