We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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