my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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