the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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