Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
