why im i the only drunk person in the library?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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