mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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