My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
