How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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