By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
