we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
