So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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