I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
