i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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