You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
