I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
