I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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