mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
