My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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